Monday, January 5, 2009

Just a Little Background

For anyone out there actually reading this, many women with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) will have challenges when trying to conceive. When I was originally diagnosed, after not having a period for almost my entire Senior year of college, I was told that I might never be able to have babies. At that point I convinced myself (or tried to) that I didn't want children, and my life would be too busy and full to make time for a child. I know now it was a self-defense mechanism, but at the time, I thought I was just adapting to my circumstances. Suddenly babies were everywhere, and they were all adorable. They would smile at me, as if to say "Are you sure you don't want a baby? We're really cute!" I started teaching a children's music class - Mommy & Me style for kids from 8 months to 5 years old, and all of the babies loved me. They would smile and hug me, and make me feel very warm and squishy inside. (My biological clock is ticking like this.. *stomp stomp*) So as suddenly as I had come to my previous decision, I changed my mind. I wanted a baby of my own. I wanted to bring a child into the Universe to love and care for, and raise to be a good person. I can't put that feeling into words. It was just something I needed to do. One tiny problem - no man in my life at that time.

When I met IvoryBoy, we were friends for over a year before we started dating. He knew something of my health issues going into our relationship, and has been incredibly supportive through all of the different medication adjustments (read: MOOD SWINGING CRAZINESS.)

Now, nearly 10 years after my diagnosis, my husband (IvoryBoy) and I are trying to have a baby. We went through two miscarriages, and now we're trying fertility therapy. I'm taking a medication called Clomid, which stimulates the ovaries to produce. In PCOS patients, I think the eggs that you produce aren't fully mature, and this helps make good eggs, not scrambled ones. The side effects are not really very much fun though. Hot flashes, moodiness, headaches, sleeplessness, just to mention a few - hardly the sort of things that make one interested in actually making babies... :)

I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm trying to keep realistic too. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll happen, that I'll get pregnant. Sometimes that makes me feel better, sometimes it makes me feel resentful. I know I'm not the only woman to have trouble conceiving. And I know so far I've been pretty lucky - no surgeries, not too many injections in the derierre... But sometimes the self-pity takes over. I keep trying to keep it at bay. Chocolate helps... :)